Death and funerals

In the last couple weeks we have talked about death at our house. We had a favourite street seller in town named Adan. He was confined to a wheelchair but he hung out on the street where he sold local postcards and made children's toys and crib mobiles out of twisted round wire to make it look like animals, trucks, etc. He was always happy and grinning from ear to ear. When we returned from home assignment in Canada this Fall we found out he had died. Details are sketchy but the story goes something like he fell over in his wheelchair and laid in a ditch for a few days before someone saw him but he was already dead, or at least almost dead but died in the hospital with very poor care, depends which version you listen to.  A very sad way to die.

Bennett wondered why he could not have gone to a good hospital, which led to a long discussion about healthcare and insurance and death among the poor. We also drive by funeral processions regularly and the kids were also asking questions. Death is so much a regular part of life here that it does not receive the same attention and scale of grief we see in North America. It is quieter. It is expected. They say it is “God’s Will" (Insh’Allah) and are resigned to it. They watch it happen and many of them feel they have very little they can do about it. The roads are dangerous, disease and sickness take awful tolls.
Niger has horrific mortality rates. They are among the worst in the world for Infant Mortality rates and Child aged 1-5 mortality rates. Their adult life expectancy is only 58 years , compared to 81 years for Canadian adults. We live close to the large Muslim cemetery and everyday if you drive by at the right time you will see convoys of people and vehicles heading to the cemetery.
In our community of the poor urban Tuaregs, they have a problem getting vehicles to carry the body and mourners to the cemetery. Our team has an older pickup truck and Paul and Tim have in the past become the drivers to help care for the community in this way. The men all go to the burial and the women all stay at home. Women do not go to the cemetery. So I had no idea really what happened there. My friend Scott Guptill attended a funeral out East in the country a few years ago and took these photos below, which explains what happens at burials here.
A little bit of cultural insight into death ritual in Niger. Photos all courtesy of Scott Guptill. Other info/insights courtesy of Paul.

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First the body is washed by friends and family. Other friends go to the cemetery and dig the burial hole themselves. It is wrapped in white cloth, then wrapped blankets (sometimes) and then in new woven mats. It is laid in a truck, surrounded by as many people who can cram into the truck bed with it, and driven to the cemetery, followed by their friends in other vehicles or motos. Only men. You pull over to the side when you see the “body truck” coming. The body is then carried by friends into the cemetery. In most cases, this happens all on the same day the person died.

The body is taken out of the woven mats and laid into a narrow hole. They are laid in there on their side with their faces pointing towards Mecca. It is the covered with sticks as shown. I believe this is partially to keep animals from getting easy access.

The woven mats are laid over top of the sticks

Straw is then laid out over top of the woven mats.

All the men around will then help to fill in the hole with sand, making sure to well saturate the straw with sand as well.



After the burial is complete there are certain sets of Muslim prayers that are said. You can see the big crowds of men who attend the whole process.


After the prayers the men all file out and visit with each other. An important opportunity to reconnect and see many contacts in the community. A small group will stay and wet down the sand (to help it settle) and but up branches over top sometimes to also help keep animals out of the grave. This is most common if they are not buried in a wall enclosed courtyard.

In this culture, death is one of the important community occasions that people feel obligated to attend. Not attending a funeral without a really good reason is seen as very disrespectful to the community and family. Even if you were not in town, you will make sure to visit the families and pay your respects to anyone who died in your absence.
After the funeral, most of the family and close friends will go back to the family home of the deceased where the women have been waiting. They will have sacrificed an animal (goat or sheep usually) and will have prepared a big meal to feed everyone. They will go into debt and take loans to make sure this happens. People will come and go all day long. One thing you will very rarely see is tears. I have sat with the women when a child had died and outwardly I was more upset than the mother, although I am sure her heart was broken on the inside and I have no doubt it signalled dark days in their lives. I struggle to remain “calm and collected” sometimes when my own heart is broken for them. Outward signs of grief and tears and wailing are mostly discouraged in this culture.
Death is seen as so inevitable and to the outsider it seems almost like they don’t care. But I know that is not true. Many of the things they do in their religion is to try to make themselves “good enough” or the follow the rules enough, to gain entrance into their idea of heaven.
Please continue to pray for these people. God meets us all in times of grief and as we evaluate our own mortality. May He speak to their hearts and make His path clear to them.

Arielle turns 8

Please excuse the lateness of this post! We have had lots of power outages, and a shipping container arrive this week so our internet time has been limited!

But we did not want to forget to write about our sweet Arielle’s 8th birthday! Every year we like to look back at how our children have grown and I love to see their personalities emerge.

Arielle has grown up so much! Now that she is 8 I realize she has spent half of her life here in Niger, and it is reflected in how well she adapts here and how at ease she is in the homes of our African friends, out in huts, in the streets, in her school etc. This is just her life and she is content!

We have great friends here and on her 8th birthday we had a pool party and cake with our friends. While she misses her friends and cousins in Canada, we are blessed with good friends and teammates here as well.

Arielle, each year I am amazed at how much you grow as a person. I love how your eyes light up when you really smile (no more fake smiles!) and how you giggle and love to be hugged and snuggled. You are also pretty excited you lost your first tooth!

You are not afraid to try new things. You may be timid to speak up and you stay so quiet, but you will also climb onto the donkey, or try that new food you have never tasted before. You like to help out in the kitchen at home but also in the homes of our friends. You are a great helper.

More than anything, you love family. You don’t need to be with anyone else. Bennett has for years been your very best friend. Every single day you two play board games, card games, hall hockey, cards, etc. together. You come home, do your homework, and rush to do things together. I am sure when you are teens you will lose some of that, but I hope you remember these days when it was the best part of your day to play with your brother!

 

You are also a wonderful big sister to Ella. You calm her when she cries, you hold her in your lap, or hold her soother and rub her forehead if she is crying in her car seat while we drive. You love to help change diapers (eww!) and you can’t wait until she starts eating real food so you can feed her. I am thankful for how much you embrace your role as a big sister. There has never been a single day when you have shown anger, or jealousy or any negative emotion towards having this new little baby in our lives who can take up more of our time than you are used to before. You have embraced her and you wrap your heart around hers. She will be so lucky to have a big sister like you to look up to.

 

 

My wish this year for you is to continue to see you grow in confidence. You have so much to offer people with your great ideas, generous heart and desire to help. But you often stay quiet and watch from the background with other people. I pray you would realize how special you are and find your courage. I am so blessed to call you our daughter.

 

Happy Birthday Arielle!

 

Goodbye Sweet Sanka

Yesterday was a very hard day for us. We didn’t say much because events were unfolding and we were getting information at the same time we were celebrating Arielle’s 8th birthday and we did not want to let the news bring sadness to her special day.

Early yesterday morning I found out that our beloved chocolate Labrador Retriever Sanka, back home in Canada, had been hit by a car. I don’t know all the details except that his leg was shattered really badly. It could not be fixed with a cast and required pins and surgery and x-rays and potentially multiple surgeries and he might never walk again. This was also tough on him since he is an old dog, 10.5 years old. We have always trusted our family and our dear friends who took Sanka when we left that we all make the best decisions for his ongoing quality of life, and we trust them completely as they sought multiple opinions and talked etc. In the end, the best decision was to let him go peacefully without putting him through the pain and immobility and troubles in life to come.

Heartbreaking. Truly, I can’t explain enough how heartbreaking it was for us here on this end. But we knew this day would come. Anyone who has a pet that they love dearly and who has come to be an “old dog” knows they will have to face this day, no matter what specific incident brings it near.

We have seen beautiful, tear filled videos and pictures and know he was loved, petted, held, kissed and cherished in every moment even as he fell asleep forever.

I am grateful that this one old dog had so many people who loved him dearly. He split his life between two families who shared him back and forth continually and he never left any of our hearts for long, and now he never will.

I would like to show you a few photos and remember a few special memories. Sanka was truly a dog that was amazingly gentle, especially with children, and hugely loyal. He never forget anyone and loved us all to the end as well.

We got Sanka as a little tiny puppy at 10 weeks old just before Christmas 2003. He immediately broke through Paul’s “no dog upstairs” rule and slept at the foot of our bed, or after the kids came, in the middle of the hall halfway between our two bedrooms.

He came to all special family occasions with us, and we even celebrated his special days too. I am not sure how many camera takes it took to finally get him to not paw off this hat!

He loved the outdoors and water and running and grass and camping. That is one of the reasons we choose to leave him with friends rather than coming to Niger where his quality of life in the things he loved would seriously decline and he would be in danger. We loved him enough to keep him safe and happy.

When we went canoeing he would jump out of the canoe and swim along us until he got tired, and then he would yelp to be pulled into the boat where he would sleep and warm in the sun until he was ready to jump in and do it all over again. He brought us so much laughter and joy.

Hiking Heart Creek, Canmore.

He was so loved by all our family members. We would lay on the floor with him and wrestle and snuggle and nap together.

He especially bonded with Bennett when he was born. This is a grainy old photo, but Bennett is playing under his play arch and Sanka has his head laying right on top of Bennett. In the other picture he is right at his feet. He would never be too far away.

As Bennett grew older, Sanka was his best friend. He would crawl all over him and throw his ball and fall asleep next to him. Sanka was always patient, would never snap or get mad, and took everything in stride just to be with him.

When Arielle joined our family she was very afraid of dogs. While she did not have many months with Sanka before we went overseas, he became the first dog that she would snuggle and put her arms around and really trust.

Sanka had another member of our family completely under his spell. His number 1 babysitter, for all 10.5 years of his life, was my Dad. He was his best little buddy, his walking and riding partner, his wrestling partner, stick thrower and companion. I am so thankful that my Dad was with him at the end even though I know how painful that must have been emotionally.

But Sanka wasn’t just loved by our family. Halfway through his life we had to make a hard decision and we shared his love and amazingness with good friends of ours who took him in as their own. I wrote a blog about it here: Lessons and Loss- my dog Sanka 

The Sorianos gave all their love to Sanka and had everything he loved that we could not offer him in Niger. Their three kids adore him, they take him for runs and of course let him eat all the crumbs I cannot think of better people to have shared his life with and I am eternally grateful for them. Any time we were home in Canada , be it for a year and a half recently or just vacations before that, we got to spend lots of time with Sanka as they shared him back with us, knowing there was always a giant Sanka sized hole in our hearts.

Sanka and Calliana

Sanka and Jenn

Recently we were home for a year and a half and we got to spend a lot of time with Sanka again. He would come to stay with us for weeks at a time. He was my walking partner.

He continued to be loved by the kids, although in his older age he couldn’t quite run after then for as long as before! Amazing how this is the same boy and his dog from the earlier picture where Sanka would lay under his baby play arch!

Just before we left to come back to Niger we had him again for a few weeks. We took this family photos with all 4 of my “baby loves” together. I will always cherish this photo.

The day we left I snapped this photo of Sanka in the hallway. I told the kids to make sure to say goodbye to Sanka as we might never see him again, knowing we would not be home again for another year and a half this time. The kids hugged him and whispered they loved him. I am thankful we got to say goodbye.

Goodbye sweet Sanka. I cry even as I write this. You meant so much to us. People will say you were only a dog but you brought us joy, you cheered us up in the hard times, made us laugh so much, showed complete loyalty and had our hearts. We miss you deeply. We love you.