Transitions- Pain and Joy mixed together

“Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.”

 

We have just arrived back in Niamey, Niger. Our second home in this world and arriving is exciting and brings tears of joy to our eyes, but also we realize there is great sadness in the leaving. One of the hardest things to do is big transitions. Where life looks so different on one side as compared to the other. It takes weeks and lots of purposeful time talking, praying and preparing to do this as well as possible. We have spent lots of time talking through it with our kids to help them do it well this time. Now that they are older, the transitions are harder and more real to them.

The leaving

The hardest thing to leave is people. Nothing can replace the dear family and friends we have at home in North America. We find that almost everything else is a willing sacrifice, but leaving loved ones hurts and truly costs us something in our hearts. I always say the leaving would be easy if we could only bring them with us. So many of them support us deeply and encourage us and we are so thankful, and while some don’t support us, we are assured none the less that this is where we are supposed to be. God has clearly placed his call on our lives to the work He is accomplishing in Niger, and the work He is doing in our own lives and characters through our time here.

Leaving this time after 17 months at home in Canada has sent us out with such an amazing group of supporters. We have connected deeply with so many of you on so many levels. I made so many rich friendships in different places. We tabulated it up and we had 76 speaking engagements and we drove just over 10,000 km in those 17 months, not including flights for work to Ontario, BC and Saskatchewan. You welcomed us and we were inspired by your own passions in your communities and for God’s work around the World. We were touched to see your generosity and partnership in the work He is doing in Niger. I can’t wait to see a bunch of you come out to Niger sometime in this next term to see first hand the Tuareg people, the school, and so much more. To experience this beautiful land and it’s people and challenges yourselves.

There are indeed little things we will miss. Coffee dates at a cafe (and good coffee in general). Easy grocery shopping and a large variety of food. Sane driving. Holidays celebrated and decorations. The colors of Fall, the amazing beauty of the Rocky Mountains. Camping. Activities like libraries, sport teams to join, weekend getaways to beautiful places. So many parts of everyday life that look a little bit different here.

The arriving

Coming home to our house in Niamey felt like home. Driving down the streets and seeing the same sights and smells and so many of the people we love, it felt like we had barely been gone at all. While the leaving was especially hard for our two older kids this time, once they were in our house they were excited to see some of their toys, their own beds, and to remember all the good memories here. What a blessing to have our home still here and not to have to start over setting up at some place new. It gives a good sense of rest and belonging already, even though there is a lot of work ahead to get it cleaned and set up again and unpacked.

The greatest joy in arriving is the people, which ironically was also the hardest to leave behind! While we can never replace the family and friends we left behind, we have been blessed with an amazing community here in Niger. We have a wonderful team we work with day in and day out. They are surrogate siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents to our kids and us, they help to fill that gap in our hearts and it is beautiful to see community work as God intended. We have great sets of friends here in our team and in the general community. I personally count many of these women as sisters. Women who love me, walk with me, know me deeply and love unconditionally. We go through life together and I am so happy to be back among them. Our kids are thrilled to see their friends here again and we look forward to re-establishing family traditions and outings and community times as a normal part of our life again. Thank you Jesus for this community here in Niger of people who are full of grace, who seek your heart and serve you.

Already our Tuareg friends are also showing up to greet us. Our guards and their families re-embrace us in their lives. Paul’s apprentice Hama was waiting outside the gate on our second day here, eager to see Paul again. While we were gone we put him through a program at a local trade school so he could keep learning. He exceled and got his certificate and has been working at the International school as a welder/handyman where he has become known for his great work ethic and attitude. He is eager for the Men’s program to launch again so he can keep learning.

I can’t wait to get out next week and starting visiting our Girls and their families. Some have gotten married and even had babies as well in this past year. I have missed them and I can’t wait to hear more about the changes in their lives and what is new and exciting with them.

In posts to come we will reintroduce you to the country we are in, it’s people and the things we are experiencing like for the first time!

Until then, a few pictures of our travels!

An early morning flights out of Amsterdam has us enjoying our last Starbucks and rolling our carts through the quiet hallways.

Ella was an amazing first time flyer!

Bennett’s picture out the window of sunrise over Paris.

Introducing Ella !!

Dear blogging friends. While many of you know us in person and have heard the news, I realized there are also a good chunk of you who follow this blog who live elsewhere around the World and thus I am sorry I am late with this blog! (In my defense- we are moving, packing and having a newborn , so pastimes such as blogging have been put on hold!)

We are so thrilled to announce that our precious daughter, Ella Sahara Grace, was born exactly a month ago today on October 18th!

 

This amazing miracle gift from God is already such a joy and blessing to us. I am reminded how special it is to be a mother. I love the late night snuggles while she nurses and I can gaze into her eyes and pray blessings and protection over her future. I am excited to see her grow up and to see the wonderful child and daughter she will be. But I don’t want her to grow up too fast either! I am determined to enjoy this stage and every stage, to embrace and slow down and snuggle and be present in each and every moment.

Now that Ella is here we have purchased our return tickets to Niger, leaving December 10th and arriving in Niger on the 12th. Please join us in prayer for all of Ella’s paperwork for her passport, visa etc. to come in on time and for all the stresses related to packing and moving our family back around the World. Pray also for our hearts and that of our families back here in North America. The absolute hardest part of moving back overseas is saying goodbye to the precious members of our family who we will not see as often. We will miss family events, special moments and lots of family birthdays, vacations and hugs. We know clearly we are doing what God has given us in this time, but the distance is still hard, as any International Worker can attest to.

 

 

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Psalm 139:14

The opinion and judgement factor

 

Ephesians 4:29

New International Version (NIV)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

 

Over the past while I have been ruminating, and even written several drafts, on a post of opinion and judgement. Maybe it is just because I have become more aware, or maybe it is a return to North American culture thing that triggered me to notice it more, but more and and more I have become aware of the judgement factor.

I understand that everyone likely has an opinion on most things in life. We all take the information available to us and make choices when faced with decisions. Some people research and study and use all available methods to make the best decisions. Others do a little research and talk to people, others google, others go with a gut feeling. But whatever it is, you make a decision. What has surprised me is the way that people judge other people based on their decisions. And personally, I feel that women are especially susceptible to this (though men are by no means off the hook).

Let me give you an example. Being pregnant and just about to deliver I can assure you that it seems everyone out there has an opinion on what I should do. Especially about how I should deliver this child. Now I know a bunch of women that I love and respect who have given birth in the past few years. Their experiences range the gamut from those who chose caesarean sections for the ease and convenience, those who had medically urgent caesareans, those who had hospital assisted normal vaginal births, those who chose to stay at home with a doula or midwife present, and those who chose to give birth alone in their shower (and even other options in between but you get the point!). I know each and every one of these women love their children dearly. I know each one wanted a healthy child and a healthy recovery and was concerned for their own body as well. I do not judge any single one of them for the type of birth they chose, even if they chose something that I personally would not consider in my own life and situation.  In fact, I think it is fascinating to sit and talk with them and hear their decision making process and research and thoughts that led up to their choices. Not because I think what they did was right or wrong, but because it interests me in how we make choices and the different way or angle that we can all approach the common female experience of childbirth. (However not all women are open to discussing their decision- potentially because like me they feel that society is often judging their decisions and thus they would need to defend themselves- so sad!). I believe they all made what they felt was the best decision and no one can tell us that their choice was wrong. Each one has a healthy child now. I have been doing a lot of reading, talking to people and online research. My last childbirth experience was 8 years ago and did not go real well with some medical hiccups at the end that led to a temporary adductor muscle paralysis for months ( I am trying to avoid that this time!) , so I want to see what is out there for best practice and knowledge and research from all different sources, levels of training and medical professionals. I find it frustrating when there is contradictory evidence, even from people who are on the same end of the spectrum. For example when a birth coach and a long-trained doula and midwife all have strong different opinions on a certain practice or matter. But why do people feel they need to impress upon you their choices and what they believe to be right? Do they think that I love my children any less than they love theirs, or that somehow I don’t care and want the best for my child and my delivery? It is hurtful to hear some of their comments sometimes and feel their disappointment if I am choosing something other than what they chose.

But that is just one example. There are many types of situations where we do the same thing to each other. Why is it that we feel the need to judge? Why is it that we feel the need to put our opinion out there to convince or guilt someone into agreeing with us or feeling they are disappointing us? I feel one of the gravest things I fear in this society is that we are not encouragers or cheerleaders of each other. I went for a pedicure with my sister in law today and we were discussing this exact thing, that we face enough pressure and judgement from the world around us that our close community and families should be each other’s best advocates and cheerleaders. We should be the ones to champion and love and support each other, EVEN IF they make a decision that is not the same as one that we would make. I personally am doing everything I can do avoid a c-section delivery and it would not be my choice to have that unless there was really no other choice in a medical emergency. I am also hoping (and trying some natural methods) to have this labour start at 39 weeks because a smaller baby and earlier birth will lessen my chances of nerve paralysis this time and any chance of a medical c-section.  But I have no problem supporting and loving the people in my life who do choose to have a c-section or those who wait until natural labour starts even if it is 42-43 weeks. Because at the end of the day, unless they are choosing something dire and radical and endangering their lives with something crazy, I trust them. I choose to love the person and support them and trust they are making decisions, along with their spouses or whoever else is involved in their decisions, that they will think it out and do what is best for their family, their health and their situation.

Why would my opinion matter and I would waste my time trying to convince them what they are doing is wrong? I can see so much hurt and broken relationships that emanate from that type of thing. I have seen broken relationships emanate from choices where we judge. Who stays at home as a Mom and who goes back to work. Who spends their money in what way. Who stays close to family, who moves away for jobs and future. Who uses public schools vs. who uses Christian school vs. who home schools. Do we really think any of those people love their children or families any less and did not really think through and work through their decision? How much easier it would be if we knew we had support and care in our corner and the judgement was erased.

I believe God created us to live in community. To care for one another and exhort and encourage.  We are pitted against culture and forces and society who can often be against us and make this life hard. We need to be more of each other’s cheerleaders. More of the people who support, encourage and celebrate our choices, not those who judge or pressure or make you feel stupid for a choice that you make just because it is not a choice that they make.  I personally would feel so much relief from that, and I think all of our relationships would be better for it. Let’s not judge. Let our words be a gift to encourage, lift up and exhort others.